I was running late for celebrating on the 31st and finished these over the next two days so they are truly readings at the portal, drawn in 2019 and finished in 2020. Read your sun, rising, moon, and/or whatever planets you feel most inspired by right now.
[Also can be read while listening to my portal 2020 playlist, which I listened to while writing them.]
The card on the left, LOVE : a seed planted for the next phase, the new year, the "other side" of this passage into the 2020's...
On the right, FEAR : something you have been wanting to leave behind, and if you've been waiting for the right time, well...
CHOOSE LOVE
DECK :: NUMINOUS TAROT
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ARIES
It is never the right time to begin, it is always the right time to begin.
If your FEAR of not understanding everything perfectly causes you to jump to conclusions, you might lose sight of your inner flame. Don't let it go out! Your expectations may not be the most accurate source at this time. You know your wings are not made for running from the difficult questions but the answers are not clear yet so float insead, float on mystery and the warm light of a new vision. Your LOVE is hiding in the center of the flame, there is a creation that has been waiting to incarnate in your work, and it's calling louder than ever now. Find it above the clouds and bring it back with you this time.
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TAURUS
Don't worry, help is already on the way.
It is difficult to ask for help when so many people in our communities are carrying so much already. But when your FEAR is seen through the the lens of consent and not the lens of scarcity, it becomes clear: the consequences of our realities are not worsened by asking each other to heal our wounds with us from time to time. On the contrary, this is the road sign towards the peace we are trying to bring to our planet. Through your LOVE you are both healer and healed.
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GEMINI
We are all part of a learning process and we can learn together.
Sometimes one of the difficult parts of educating ourselves is facing what we don't know. Our FEAR of our own ignorance, of making the wrong choices or saying or thinking the wrong things. This becomes even more acute once we begin to learn on another level and see all that we didn't see before. But with time it seems there is a greater and greater LOVE of mystery, the unknown that we all advance into together. So embrace the joy of (temporary) ignorance: when it is tempered by compassion it could be fertile ground, its own form of richness.
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CANCER
Vulnerability is never easy, if it was it wouldn't be vulnerability.
Maybe you're facing a FEAR that your heart will feel tender forever, that it will just keep being cracked open again every time it hardens. But in your geode heart you know this is part of what it is to be human. The only pathway to LOVE and wisdom is through our own flawed psyches, so we do our best to set boundaries knowing that within these boundaries we can open up, again and again and again. Don't be mad at yourself for your own depth of feeling. It's not easy but it's part of why we came here, isn't it?
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LEO
When we choose the right time to walk away, we gain new energy.
You may have a FEAR of leaving the party before it's over: it sounds silly but the loneliness is very real. Still, you came and enjoyed the ambiance, the creative aura of the gathering, and if you accept the cup is running dry and the glow is starting to fade, you can alchemize the last bit of it into the spark that will start your new journey the next morning. You LOVE adventure, so indulge yourself this year with the things you want to say yes to once you close the door behind you.
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VIRGO
A great teacher sees through us, and uses their judgment to uplift us.
If your FEAR is simply of being structured, you may be missing an opportunity to be lifted up. Not just anyone has the right to tell you you are wrong, but maybe some do, with your consent. Of course teaching goes beyond right and wrong, to the essence and aesthetic of what we learn to invoque into existence by studying. Is your teacher encouraging your LOVE of innovataion while challenging your expectations? Look for the mentors who you feel have enough faith in your ideas to encourage you to evolve. The others may not be worth your time. In order to learn we must feel free to do so.
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LIBRA
Enjoy yourself, you don't have to pack your bags now.
After spending so much time working like Marie Kondo through your own shadow landscape, you have come back to your home, soft pillows and calming colors, warm tea. Do you have a FEAR of having to leave again already? Instead of looking too far into the future, like playing videos in your mind of yourself two months from now realizing you were wrong to relax, leave the unknown outside and lock the door. This is for you: a time of clear mind and heart. You can find LOVE in the quiet work you did and are doing in order to carve this space out for yourself, and trust the silence and tranquility.
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SCORPIO
It's time to step closer to activism and/or civil disobedience again.
The signs ruled by Mars (Aries and Scorpio) are often associated with egoism. This may be because Mars is associated with conlict. But when the machine of a broken society is moving on according to plan, choosing to create conflict with that system is not just ego-centric. Think, your greatest wish- do you FEAR admitting that this wish is for other people as well as yourself? Because that would mean that once you step into your power you are responsible for your own imperfect and sacred piece of the collective healing. By the way, who exactly is telling you that following your path is selfish, and why do you think that is? Who is rooting for you and why do you think that is? Choose your fights wisely but if you choose LOVE know not everyone will agree with you.
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SAGITTARIUS
True stability does not stop you from movement.
If you find a FEAR of investing in stability, try discussing with a trusted friend why that is. If you are clear about your vision for this step of your life, you may benefit from another perspective. What is it about this situation that doesn't feel flexible enough for you? Can that be changed? Look together for a way to profit from this opportunity before you to see if there is a way to negociate more space into the opportunity. LOVE the duality of committing to a project while being able to visit other projects as well.
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CAPRICORN
Close your eyes at pick a point on the map.
You may not be confronted by an either/or situation but by a whole network of roads leading outward. How do you know which way to go? Even if you have a lot of information, you can FEAR that the place you want to go is disappointing, or is already closed down, or that you won't feel welcome there. But the cards seem pretty straightforward this season: a leap of faith. LOVE the suprises and once you have arrived somewhere, then you can decide if you like it or you want to go somewhere else.
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AQUARIUS
The middle ground is still a position, and not always the right one.
With these two cards it seems possible that your FEAR of rocking the boat may have betrayed your personal needs, but now you're ready to take your own side. You don't need to feel defensive just because you are speaking up about what you need to feel safe in this situation. It is probably linked to larger spheres of well-being too. Tough self LOVE can be making a habit of using protective magic- it doesn't mean you are making judgments about your environment but it may save you some healing spells later on.
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PISCES
You are probably not going to run away with your own power.
Tap into the FEAR that you are secretly a bad person trying to take advantage of everyone else and ask where that comes from? Is there some possible past gaslighting to be dismantled? It's for the best to be realistic about what harm you might cause but if you are coming rom a place of self-awareness and connectedness you can step past that shadow landscape and plug in to a higher energy source. Once you do, let that energy tell you what its purpose is. Give some LOVE to your own sacred space this season.